Paul -M- Kelly (pmk) wrote in softaspopcorn,
Paul -M- Kelly
pmk
softaspopcorn

first

hooray for this.

Did anyone hear on the news about the lady who's husband beat her up with a hammer? She must have told him he "can't touch this," so he had no choice but to respond "it's hammer time!" The part that makes this story relevant to me is the fact that the lady was brought to Emerson Hospital; where I work.



I was running the register when the security guard who would look exactly like Matt Hardy if he had long greasy hair told me to keep an eye out for news people.

News people? But Matt Hardy (Version 1), why would there be news people at Emerson?

Some lady got her face beat in by a hammer.

Oh. But again I must ask: why the news people?


I went over and told Sarah about the breaking news when all of a sudden..

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOO!!!

That's the fire alarm going off. I went to close the cafe doors, as I've been told to do when the alarms go off, when Jen came in.

Rarararararararararararar!

Oh, I understand now.


Then Matt Hardy came back and he brought a couple of Firemen with him.



OK, where's the fire?

There's no fire.

They said there was a fire in the kitchen cafe. This is where the chimes are coming from!

Um. There's no fire.


Maybe he thought it was hiding. Matt Hardy and his Firemen go out into the kitchen. The Firemen are really confused about the lack of fire.

I don't understand. I don't see any smoke. There should be smoke if there's a fire.

Then Colin contributed an idea as to the whereabouts of the smoke.



Maybe it's some kind of new smokeless fire... from the future.

The fireman then cut off Colin's head with his axe.

A few more Firemen came in to look for the fire. I guess they didn't trust the other Firemen's ability to spot a fire. They should have checked behind the soda machine. If I were hiding, and were a fire, I would have probably of hid there.

So, 45 years later the alarms finally stop weoweoweoing and the Firemen left to check the rest of the hospital for the MIA fire. At this point this other kid who works there comes in and shows us his new tattoo. He got his name tattooed on his back.



Then he starts talking to Sarah.



Hey Sarah, did you de-virg-itize Sack??

I then made him put a dollar in the made-up word jar.



As we were leaving I spotted a FOX news truck in the parking lot. They had their camera and mics set up for a on the scene live shot. I still don't understand how this is news. Are hammer beatings that rare?

I hope so.

THE END
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